Women & Children's Hospital of Buffalo

Bereavement Support Services
Helping a Spouse

Helping Your Grieving Spouse

• Remember that your marriage is valuable. Your partner is the one who loves your child as you love him/her.
• Be honest and open with each other.
• Respect the differences in how you cope with this loss.
• You may be on different pages but it is often because men and women grieve differently. One partner’s grief is not worse than his/her spouse’s grief.
• Reach out to others and don’t assume that your partner can give you all the support you need.
• Women sometimes are not interested in intimacy after their child has died but it is important to remember that men often are healed through physical intimacy. Sometimes, even though it is a struggle, it’s important to be flexible and find a neutral ground.
• Communication on all levels is a key factor is keeping your marriage secure.
• Try to find “together’ activities. Cry and laugh together. When laughter comes, remember you are not doing a disservice to your child.
• Help your partner and those close to him/her understand the impact this devastating loss has had on both of you.